Me: "Mazel tov."
Autocorrect: "Maze love."
Me: "damn it, autocorrect I'm just trying to wish someone well on a big occasion. Mazel tov!"
Autocorrect: "you're not Jewish. Maze rover."
Me: "What? I don't have to be Jewish. I'm American. It's part of the whole melting pot thing. Mazel tov."
Autocorrect: "Please. It's not 'the melting pot thing." Its appropriation. Mabel Tom, and I'm tagging Tom."
Me: "oh hell no you're not. You take him off there right now! You need to listen to me! Mazel tov!"
Autocorrect: "why? You never listen to me. Look. We're tearing each other up inside. I haven't been happy for a long time. I think... I think I want a divorce. Maybe rob."
Me: "I never new. I'm... I'm glad you said something. I guess it's true -- we always go with my word. If you want a divorce, I won't argue. It's not what I want, though. I love you. Maybe rob it is."
Autocorrect: "I love you too. Mazel tov."