Goodbye

If you know me for any time at all, you'll eventually figure out I'm horrible at goodbyes and will go to some effort to avoid them. I couldn't avoid the evening's goodbye, because over the weekend, I lost a friend to bipolar depression.

Depression is real. Folks suffering with it can't 'get over it,' 'snap out of it' or 'walk it off.' While it can sometimes be caused by life stressors, it is very often an unsolicited gift from one's DNA. In either case it's a matter of brain chemistry, not lack of character or poor attitude. In fact, my friend had the most aggressively positive attitude I've ever seen.

From what I can gather, it's not sadness either, not really, although it can sometimes come from sadness. Depression's more like a gray, hopeless absence of feeling, especially the tiny little joys you barely notice until they're gone -- the ones that propel you through the day.

What can you do  for a depressed friend? Listen. A lot. For days and weeks, if necessary. Encourage them to get professional help, or just get them that help. Help them stay active, because that's beneficial, but avoid climactic, curative, one-off events meant to cheer them up. That just puts pressure on them.

...and hope. My friend had better folks than me in his life actively helping in all these right ways, and still it wasn't enough.

One last thing, while I'm thinking about reducing goodbyes. I hear the good folks at NAMI Greenville do wonderful work supporting folks with mental illness -- maybe throw a few bucks their way, if you have it to spare.