Sunday, May 8, 2011

Why The Darwin Fish Pisses Me Off



No, it's not because I'm religious or that I object to its message. I hate the Darwin Fish in it's most common current version (pictured), because it's a beautiful, subtle little joke spoiled by someone's urge to make sure I GET IT.

Years ago, the Darwin Fish made me smile every time I saw it. Its design was simple: the same fish you saw on many cars, with the addition of budding feet. It was smart, elegant and funny, but you had to do the work the first time you saw one -- you had to figure it out.

Somewhere over the years, someone decided you CAN'T figure it out. The answer? Fill the negative space with the name "Darwin" -- all in loud caps. Then they sent out teams of guys in plaid sport coats and bow ties to drive up beside you as you pass a car with the new, idiot-friendly Darwin Fish, follow you until you pull over and then elbow you in the ribs and say "do you get it????" "Huh?" "Huh??"

Those folks who added "Darwin" -- you're going to be seeing more of their work. At the moment, they're editing a new version of "The Grapes of Wrath" that ends with "...because she was BREAST FEEDING the starving man!!!! -- OMG! Isn't that sad????" Their remake of "Planet of the Apes" will include a narration: "...kneeling in the sand and cursing his fate, Taylor knew, he finally knew, that he WASN'T on another planet. He was on Earth. 'Cause it was The Statue of Liberty. Which is on Earth. And the fact that it's buried in the sand indicates..." They're even rewriting your favorite proverbs, and you'll soon be treated to gems like "a word to the wise is sufficient, because a wise person doesn't need you to explain everything."

By all means, please put Darwin Fish on your cars. I applaud your endorsement of science, especially at a time when it's under assault in our land. But please, please insist on the old, perfect version. If you can only find the new, cluttered design get out your X-Acto knife and make two statements with your fish.

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